Not My Kind Of Tree

Photo by foto36
www.freedigitalphoto.net

I like trees. Oak trees, maple trees, elm trees, cherry trees, aspen trees, all kinds except sweet gum trees which produce those annoying spikey balls and make me sneeze all spring. Yet even they are tolerable in comparison to the worst tree of all - phone trees. Phone trees are just evil. They are evil because they give you hope and then let you down, disappoint you, and in the end, the branches come crashing down and you are no better off than you were.

My recent experience:
Recording: Thank you for calling. For English press one. Para Español marque el nueve.
Me: *press one*
Recording: Thank you for calling. Main menu. To track the status of your order press 1. To change your order press 2. To pay your bill press 3. To report a problem with your widget press 4.
Me: *press 4*
Recording: If the problem is the color press 1. If the problem is the sound press 2. If the problem is the size press 3. For all other problems press 4.
Me: *press 4*
Recording: Your call is important to us. It will be answered in the order in which it came. Many solutions can be found online at www.widgets4u.com on our frequently asked questions page.
Me: *humming to the muzak*
Recording: Your call is important to us. It will be answered in the order in which it came. Many solutions can be found online at www.widgets4u.com on our frequently asked questions page.
Me: *humming to the muzak*
Recording: Your call is important to us. It will be answered in the order in which it came. Many solutions can be found online at www.widgets4u.com on our frequently asked questions page. 
Me: *humming to the muzak*
Recording: We're sorry but your request cannot be processed at this time. Thank you. *click*
Me: &*%$#@!%&@#

Two calls later and relentless pressing of the 0 did eventually get a person to answer the phone. Who, as it turns out, was as effectual at solving the problem as the phone tree was. However, the human was able to send out a technician who fixed my widget. The worst is when you are asked to input your account number, address, phone number, social security number, date of birth, mother's date of birth, father's date of birth, address of your first grade teacher's home currently and at the time she was your teacher, etc. And when you finally do and the person answers your call they ask you for the information all over again. Really? You don't have that? Then who was I giving it to?
 
The thing is, customer service is supposed to be service for the customer. I know this because I looked it up. But what customers want is not "service" we want solutions. We want our problems to be fixed. Quickly. Cheerfully. We only want to give our information once. We want a person to answer the phone.